3rd Week of September.

i think right now the most apt lyrics that i can think of is “wake me up when September ends” cause October seems to be chock full of exciting things and well, it’s also gonna kickstart the 2month countdown to getting that kickass bod for zoukout as well as the super, super anticipated Bali trip in December. nothing much has changed at work, still as unchallenging as ever and i’m learning to just take my time to do stuff. i think that’s something about me that i gotta learn. i usually live life in the fast lane, have been and probably will always be? my motto’s probably “live fast, die young” (cause bad girls do it well. heh, though i ain’t no bad girl.) i cannot stand wasting time because there’s so much to do, so much to experience and i’m so afraid that i’ll be dying young, so let’s pack it all in baby. hahas. but i guess to a certain extent, i’ve gotta learn to stop and smell the rose here and there.

haven’t been to mambo for about a month-ish now because of work and i hear that THEY’RE KILLING MAMBO. fts. from the main room to phuture and now to oblivion, only to be revived on the even of public holidays. next week is going to be the last mambo, EVER cause the silly PH ones don’t actually count cause they’re probably not on wednesdays. i’m definitely going to go next week for my very last proper, good mambo. and as usual, i hope that the music’s as good as the “last mambo” that they had when they moved it out of the main room. i’m honestly going to miss this wednesday night reverie. too bad i couldn’t go the last few weeks. lesigh. i think W is planning a midautumn lantern thingy as well. so i might bring a paper lantern. it’s so readily avaliable near my office. they sell it in like, HUGE CARDBOARD BOXES. but i think i really miss my younger days when paper lanterns were so much cheaper. now they feel like a rip off. i blame inflation.

i think i need more pictures on my blog. but i don’t actually take that many these days. need to go back to camwhore mode, especially since i’ve got an iPhone now, no not the 5. i refuse to go queue up, i’m un-Singaporean like that (well, unless it’s for something big and important, which i haven’t met with yet.)

i think recently my style’s been changing up a bit. i tend to dress up a little more on the weekends in a certain way. i’m really obsessed with the whole tuck my shirt into my skirt thing that’s going on right now (above), and did i mention, i bought a pair ofI MINT GREEN pants. so proud of myself. i think it’s a personal mission to turn my wardrobe (which is kinda in disarry right now cause *sighs* i don’t have enough hangers, again) into a RAINBOW. that goes for my shoe cupboard as well. i got bright pink, green, sky blue and silver shoes right now. i’m aiming for red, orange, yellow, purple, gold pairs.my mum is seriously gonna kill me (not because i spend a fortune, i don’t, my shoes are like $10. or less.) because there’s almost no more space in that floor to ceiling shoe cabinet that she built for me and my sis. hurhur. i blame my heels. they need to “lie down” cause mummy didn’t think my heels would go that high. ><

OMG. i just realized something. FFFDJBC texted me, THEY TEXTED ME BECAUSE I WAS A MUDDLEHEAD. i forgot to leave my email. lucky they were really really nice and asked for it, or else, there goes my application for this year. </3 GAHH. i really hope i get in. *crosses finger, toes and whatever else can be crossed*

i’m excited for Restaurant Week and Sweet Charity that’s happening next month! totally into the whole foodie thing in October cause it comes only once a year. all the AWESOME restaurants for Restaurant Week are unfortunately all booked already. the girls and i decided to go to SQUE for dinner on the first day of RW2012 cause it’s really damn rare that we all get together these days. we’re all super busy, especially after graduating (me and pokkie being the last two). i miss the days we met like, EVERYDAY of the week, especially our mad clubbing period where we just stayed over at one person’s house for the entire week. gosh, i miss our BKK trip, first ever overseas trip where ALL 4 of us were there. the madness that happens when we’re all together is just love.

I really, really hope we get to go back to Hummerstons in October as planned. heh. *crosses fingers i’ve got enough to last me the month* October is going to be really expensive, i swear. but if it’s all for a good cause/things i like/spending time with good friends, WHY NOT! mm, 1.75 months since i met V, haven’t been able to meet him at all recently, the boy moved into hall which is all the way in the WEST. at least when he was home, he could drive over and we could go to supper. hais. imh. alot. interco mike yankee. still amazed i can remember those codes. i wonder what would’ve happened if i really had signed on that dotted line.

anyways, BISTRO DU VIN tonight with the girls and a movie after. TGIF people, i’m leaving the office, soonish. (:

September.

almost half the month’s over, time really does fly. started the month flying solo on the job as my mentor went off for her maternity leave (she gave birth yesterday! and the baby’s realllyyyy cute! *hearts*) and life in the office is really mm, unchallenging. i’ve mostly been using the time to set up my travel blog (which i will share of in another post! *beams)  and been apply for new jobs for next year cause i’m leaving this company in 3months time when my mentor comes back from her maternity leave.

which is just in time for … ZOUKOUT! heh. 3days of partying with some of my favourite DJs. the first day’s line up is already out and OHMYGAWD. i swear if you don’t catch my on the zouk dancefloor then i must either be hospitalized or dead. if not, IT’S PARTY ALL NIGHT (even if i have to work the next day >.< cause i’m not exactly too sure when my mentor is coming back from her maternity leave). Above&Beyond, PVD, Hardwell. zomg. i think my legs might turn jelly from dancing and my arms will just be limp the next day. can’t wait for the beach lineup to be out cause it’s always a treat. i remember me and my bestie at zoukout last year. music, podium and literal non-stop dancing. i was at mambo from 8pm-ish all the way to the next morning when eclipse and ghetto finished their set at close to 8am. i only went back to our hotel room for like, an hour and a half in between to sit, drink water, change my bikini and GO! lols. this year we have a room again at siloso beach resort. not very sure how many days we booked the room for, but definitely more than last year. hahas.

September’s also the start of marathon season. ran the AHM last Sunday and it was almost a killer, but i did it in 3hours! *beams* super proud of myself for finishing the run. i’ve got three more races coming up for the next few months of the year with Standard Chartered being the last one. 42km. DOH. don’t know how i’m going to do it, but training starts after i make sure my ankles are well rested from the AHM. silly me, i didn’t injure them during the race but after instead because my thighs and calves ached so much, i couldn’t walk properly. >.< silly me.  September also means that the selection for the DJbootcamp is going to be out, soon. another one more week plus till they announce. *crosses fingers* oh, and it’s almost one and a half months since i first met V. hurhur. haven’t been able to meet him much cause he’s at the other end of singapore in the west, busy studying cause of the mugger that he is.

the internet in the office was down yesterday and so here i am, continuing the post. September, finally met J again cause he’s been busy at work. trading stuff doesn’t seem to be a really easy thing cause he has to work late hours. of course as a (really, really, extremely nice) friend i met him for drinks the other night cause he needed to chillax one corner after a crazy day at work. hahas, i really really miss talking crap with him. he never fails to crack me up whenever we meet. met up with the girls most of the weekends in Sept for our usual dinner – Pirates – drinks – phuture – dance till 4am combo. heh. now that i do it conservatively once or twice a week, i’m really missing this nightlife thing. i guess i was born nocturnal and then got nurtured into being a daytime person. i’m looking to applying to an events company that mainly deals with events happening in clubs/clarkequay. it would so fit everything that i love about myself and my creative brain. being an events/business/HR manager during the day and then networking (and secretly partying it up) at night. then i can officially wear my party dresses to work. XD

well, that’s about it for now. i’m job hunting for 2013 most of the time these days, training for marathons and hoping to hear some good news for the end of Sept/early Oct. *crosses fingers i get picked* got to get back to dance training soon, soon. once the silly ankle rights itself again (when i pluck up the courage to go to the sinseh. ><)

short term, long term.

close to 24hours. think it’s time to close another chapter of life, my life. i guess i’ve been closing too many chapters this year. and just fyi my dear readers, what i mean by closing chapters is what happens when someone leaves my life (whether because they’ve passed on or because they’ve walked away/out of my life) or when a certain event or period of my life comes to an end (like, a graduation). today, i think i’ll be closing a chapter that’s barely started, but i don’t want to be hurt or disappointed anymore, so i’d rather close this chapter for now. maybe in the future, i might open it, maybe. or maybe that person involved might open a new chapter for us. but for now, i’m closing it. just like how i closed that chapter with Z, i think it’s time to close the chapter with V. 

260812; short term, long term goals. 

i think i’ve mostly got it into my mind that i want to scale Mt. Everest. it started a few months ago when i started dreaming of scaling mountains, and obviously the most publicized one is Everest. for some reason, i’ve decided that i want to scale that summit by 30, so here i go. dream/goal Everest30, that’s what i’m going to blog it as. of course, during the next 7 years, i’m definitely going to start training and climbing other mountains as well.

as i research on the climb towards Everest right now, i think what i can work on NOW at this very moment is my fitness, and that’s where i’m starting. i need to make sure or rather, plan out my workout schedule. i don’t want to overstretch myself for now because other than dance, i haven’t really had any physical trainings. i’m not in a good condition, my ankle still hurts, and my diet is slowly getting better, but it’s still junked up. there’s so many things that i need to change/alter and it’s gotta start somewhere here and now. i’m cleaning out my diet, slowly but surely. i’m starting on my fitness, also slowly but surely. 

but other than the 7years, i’ve got exactly 100days to get into a lot better a shape for zoukout. it’s gonna be 3days (or so i heard) of partying with a hopefully awesome lineup. i have no idea how 3days of partyin is going to go about, but i’m slowly getting ready for it. and in this 100days, i’m going to try and lose another 5kgs at least. abs, well that’s gotta wait for next year. so short term goal’s gonna definitely be getting into shape for zoukout so that i can buy that well deserved new bikini. my old one’s getting quite worn out already. 

quelyn, we’re closing a chapter and starting a new one today. 
don’t be sad, don’t be disappointed. focus.

2231.16calories.

according to my estimated BMR calculated through the Harris Benedict formula x 1.2, 2231.16 calories is my total daily energy expenditure with a sedentary lifestyle, which i guess is kind of what i have right now. i walk to and from the mrt station everyday before and after work, go for dance class once a week and that’s kinda about it for now. yes, sometimes there’s capoiera and now there’s like crossfit. but that’s not enough for weight loss. so i’ve been cutting back on food instead, but that hasn’t turned out to be an awesome idea because i end up eating more on the weekends though that’s the time that i actually workout more. i guess that’s what’s been accounting for my subtle weight loss the last few weeks. 

on a different note, V left me with a curt “sorry, i’m busy” and hasn’t texted since last night. yeah, just last night and i’m already beating myself all over about it. not a good thing, not a good thing at all. quelyn, you gotta stop being stupid. yeah, you’re being really stupid. if he’s for you, he’ll be back sooner or later. gotta stop beating myself over it. 

My Immortal

i’m so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave
your presence still lingers here, and it won’t leave me alone

these wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real
there’s just so much that time cannot erase

there’s just so much that time cannot erase, how true.

day6 at the office and the mentor is not around, the boss is not around so essentially i really have nothing to do. checked the boss’ email, checked my email, did my quotations, printed and stamped everything within the first hour of work while facebooking and twittering. “quarreled” with the boy for most of the morning while worrying about the thing we were “arguing” (for lack of better words) about and yet got all my work done. sigh, is there really no job that will pose a challenge to me? guess if i do get chosen for the FFF DJbootcamp and figure out that i’m good enough, i’ll start establishing myself as a DJ. i even thought of my stage name already (yes, i’ve thought that far).

i think because i had a lot of time plus the argument with the boy, i’ve been thinking about a lot of things in my life. and from what i know right now, i have a lot of goals, i have a lot of plans (many of which are still in the planning stage), i have many ideas, i have many wants, and my life to a lot of the average person/younger people looks like it’s all in order. to a large extent, it is. but i myself know that there’s still a lot of choas that needs to be settled, a lot of conflicts that need to be looked at, a lot of issues that have to be resolved.

i know there’s a lot of issues that aren’t really relevant to my life anymore, but sometimes even time cannot erase the shadows that it leaves, and sometimes it comes back to haunt you because you fall into the same trap again and again, and again because the issues at hand isn’t resolved. i need to start resolving these one by one. yes, a “tortured soul” makes better artistic stuff and that’s probably where my inspiration for dance and music has been coming a lot of the time, but sometimes to move on to greater things, you gotta let go of all the backlog and just keep those emotions for inspirational purposes ONLY.

i have dreams, goals and plans. and as i’m starting to work on them even more, even harder, i’ve got to also start letting go of the past and not let it hold me back. wants to become a DJ. wants to climb Mt. Everest. wants to start my own company/restaurant/bar/club. wants to do my Masters. this is it quelyn, this is the turning point that you need to stop at and TURN. turn back time, emotions, thoughts and start resolving them. i wish i had someone to go through all this with me, to help me through, but sometimes even the people in your life cannot be there for you for these kind of things. and all you have is right here, right now and yourself.

this journey, let’s go.
there will be issues and people that will still be immortal,
but i need to make sure they don’t become walls that block my potential.

Dear God,

I know that it’s been a long time, and I know that I haven’t been exactly the best behaved person on this planet. But dear God, please don’t let me lose V. I know what I did wrong, and I regret (maybe not totally, but to a large extent. that is another repentence for another time. ><) my actions. Please, don’t let him find out, please. I really don’t think I can take another loss this week. Too many people have been leaving and/or betraying my trust and I’m getting tired. Please just leave this one person here for now God. Dear God, please make J keep his promise, even if those promises were lies at that point of time, please make them truths.

God, I know V’s not supposed to be here for the long term, but for now please let him be around. Please.

it’s been a long week.

yeah, it has been a really long week of ups and downs. started my new job on wednesday and other than it being too slack at the moment cause the boss is out of town for over a week, i don’t have anything much to blog about it at the moment. it’s not exactly challenging, neither is is something that will become too mundane after awhile. but it’s definitely not something that i’d want to do in the long term because i need a challenge. maybe that’s why i’m always trying to push myself physically, because in singapore, none of the jobs that i’ve encountered has ever challenged me mentally. i need that mental challenge and thus, i need to find that job that gives me just that. 

on a sadder note, too many downs happened this week. one of my close friend is leaving (close to) for good. we drank to it for a good farewell. one of my other close friends, okay, honestly my exboyf, well he passed on too. at my age, it’s a little too young for him to pass on. he barely passed his 23rd birthday and he’s gone just like that. got the news on wednesday after a the little farewell party for D. got home, got back into a cab and went to zouk to drink with C. and got quite drunk. and no, i’m not going to apologize for it because i needed that break or i’d have cried the whole night and ended up not going to work the next day. but here’s where the third down of the week came, in the form of a female who is just an acquaintance. yes, you have me on facebook, you follow me on twitter, but that doesn’t mean you are my friend. so if you are my friend, you will help me. if you aren’t then just don’t bother about me. i don’t see why you have to when you don’t want to. defeats the purpose doesn’t it? 

but i guess here, i see the difference between true friends and the flaky ones who pretend to be your friend only for the good times and ditch you in the bad times. and i only pray for more true friends who will not leave my side because those are the friends whom you will need to walk through life with you, not the ones who are pretty, or the ones who have the most fun, but the ones who will sit with you in the quiet, who will scold you when you’re screwing with your own life, who will be there for you in the most trying of times.

sometimes,

sometimes all i ask for is someone to share all this with.
sometimes i feel like i have to do it in a hurry, but as i grow older, i slowly realize that i don’t have to.
sometimes i wonder if there’ll ever be somebody to share it with. 

but whatever the circumstances i always have the chinese saying 寧缺毋濫 in my mind.
i’d rather not have anything if i don’t have the best that God’s got for me.

FG#2

120812; I WILL NOT EAT INSTANT MEE.

okay, i’m going to try and blog all the different posts that i intended to within the next hour or so. hopefully it goes as planned, but i’m starting with the easiest. i think it’s fairly simple to understand what my second fitness goal is. i’ve been doing quite good with FG#1, only broke it once cause i saw ice cream soda (which i haven’t had/seen for a really long time)! i think that FG#2 will be harder because sometimes i’m just too lazy to cook, sometimes i’m too lazy to go out and other times, i’m just too broke to go out to buy food. but okay, NO INSTANT NOODLES. i will not be lazy, i will cook my meals, or go out to eat salad/soup. 

EDIT: 230812, FG#2 is failing like crazy because i’ve been lazy and have been cooking instant noodles at least once every two days. >< not a very good sign of this going. the instant noodles is just sitting at home in the cupboard tempting me like crazyyyy. must. resist. the. urge. and not be lazy to cook as well. there’s salmon and chicken in the fridge, i’m just too lazy to defrost it. so, must un-lazy myself and start cooking!

the b.

040812; lying in your arms, hearing you tell me to leave yet feeling your arms holding me even tighter. telling me the things that i don’t want to hear, yet pulling me in for a kiss. confuses me, yet gives me a sense of anticipation.