sometimes,

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sometimes all i ask for is someone to share all this with.
sometimes i feel like i have to do it in a hurry, but as i grow older, i slowly realize that i don’t have to.
sometimes i wonder if there’ll ever be somebody to share it with. 

but whatever the circumstances i always have the chinese saying 寧缺毋濫 in my mind.
i’d rather not have anything if i don’t have the best that God’s got for me.

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FG#2

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120812; I WILL NOT EAT INSTANT MEE.

okay, i’m going to try and blog all the different posts that i intended to within the next hour or so. hopefully it goes as planned, but i’m starting with the easiest. i think it’s fairly simple to understand what my second fitness goal is. i’ve been doing quite good with FG#1, only broke it once cause i saw ice cream soda (which i haven’t had/seen for a really long time)! i think that FG#2 will be harder because sometimes i’m just too lazy to cook, sometimes i’m too lazy to go out and other times, i’m just too broke to go out to buy food. but okay, NO INSTANT NOODLES. i will not be lazy, i will cook my meals, or go out to eat salad/soup. 

EDIT: 230812, FG#2 is failing like crazy because i’ve been lazy and have been cooking instant noodles at least once every two days. >< not a very good sign of this going. the instant noodles is just sitting at home in the cupboard tempting me like crazyyyy. must. resist. the. urge. and not be lazy to cook as well. there’s salmon and chicken in the fridge, i’m just too lazy to defrost it. so, must un-lazy myself and start cooking!

FG#1

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030812; I WILL NOT DRINK MY CALORIES.

i think i’ve been plateauing for the last one month or so. the last time i really saw a significant weight loss was in europe (2kgs!) even after eating pasta/risotto/loads of sinful food for that entire one month. back in singapore, been hitting the gym most of the days mostly doing weights. but i think i’m gaining weight again, especially because of the old job where i had to do overtime most of the days and could only get max 45mins of workout done. >.< not enough, not enough. and yesterday, the boy really woke me up. urgh. fats, got suan-ed by him the entire day. so, it’s time to take even more drastic steps if i want to fit into that new dress and if i wanna look damn awesome (or at least try to, bleah) at zoukout. 

so, today’s new goal/lifestyle change is NOT DRINKING MY CALORIES. that means cutting out all soft drinks, including the so called diet sodas. water, water, protein shakes, the milk for my calcium intake, more protein shakes and more water. yeaps. the only exception i’ll make is alcohol twice a week, for wednesdays and for friday/saturdays. very soon it’s going to be once a week cause once i start on the 15th, there’s no more wednesday night parties for me. 

on another note, i’m glad i got myself out of the old job. blessing in disguise, lots of blessings actually. because if i didn’t, i would have met V and i wouldn’t have gotten myself more motivation. because if i hadn’t, i wouldn’t be ale to go for mambos on wednesday nights. because if i didn’t, i wouldn’t have this much extra time to spend with my friends. all things are a blessing in disguise these days. it’s the law of attraction, attracting the things that i want to me (well, except Y, that’s one thing that law of attraction hasn’t worked on just yet) and i’m really feeling lucky almost everyday. (: happiness is simple like that i guess.

and with what my calendar looks like now and the things that i have lined up for the next half of the year, i believe it’s going to be really, really awesome. (:

Mambo / TGIWednesdays.

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020812; hey i just met you, and this is crazy. here’s my number, so call me maybe?

i think that pretty much sums up last night and well, most of today. met up with beek and sher for dinner at soupspoon, had yoghurt and went down to zouk to meet up with C for drinks on the bridge where Woof made a surprise appearance. maybe it was the russian standard, maybe it was because i had a few things on my mind, maybe it was because it’s a new month, a new beginning and i’m just trying to start afresh with a lot of things. but whatever it was, sweet talk won the day and i found myself trapped in a blackhole that i didn’t really want to step in.

it might be a blessing in disguise, i wouldn’t know. it might mean a change of tides from now on. but whatever it is, i’m constantly having to tell myself that i need to be less naive and less emotionally-led when it comes to making certain decisions. it’s been a long night, and a long day for me. i’m glad to have found a new friend, but at the same time, i’m hesitant as to where this friendship is going. we’ve both been hurt before, and we’re both looking for different things at this point of time. so maybe, just maybe, let’s see where this goes.

V, you may be new, but i realized i haven’t forgotten Y. *lesigh.
and i guess this song’s the most apt right now for the Y & V situations.

“i will give to you the love you seek and more.”
if only you’ll let me

officially crossed the halfway mark of 2012.

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010812; i like this date. it’s really a new beginning for me. 

we’ve officially passed the halfway mark of the year 2012 and rather than ask myself what have i done in the past half a year, i’m asking myself what am i going to do in the next half a year. this morning, i resigned from the job that i had a love-hate relationship with, firstly because it’s too painful to live my life with that kind of relationship and secondly because i’m taking a break to let my ankle and knee rest for a bit. so, that’s one for freedom and zero for negativity and all the bad things in life. looking forward, i’m going to be a personal assistant. it’s just a temporary assignment as i’ll be cover for the current PA’s maternity leave and i think it’s going to be something that i’ll enjoy because it appeals to the overly organized, super meticulous side of me. plus point, it’s near my dance school, like 5mins walk instead of 20mins (yes, i used to walk from orchard to bras basah after work just to go for dance class because i don’t see the need to pay for the silly MRT, especially since it’s cool enough to walk in the evenings).

looking forward fitness wise, i’m looking for a new gym to get my muay thai on. the nearest one to the new workplace is EVOLVE at PoMo, but it’s kinda out of my range (i think) because from what i read on the forums, the first month’s fee + registration + membership fee is going to rack up at bill of close to $1K, and i don’t even earn THAT much in a month. >.< monthly fees after that is about $300ish. maybe i should give them a call and ask them personally. but, what i did today was email a new place, crossfit hub to try to get a spot in their fundamental class to see if crossfit’s for me. it’s not fight school like muay thai is, but it’s more about building agility, endurance and strength, all of which are important to me as a (fairly tubby/chubby/fatish) marathoner/muaythaifighter. time to build those muscles man, seriously. since last february, i think it’s been quite a proud journey for me, i lost about 12kgs in total now. but it’s time to really get serious, i mean, like dead serious about things. so, crossfit – checked. the next thing i’ll have to do is email EVOLVE. maybe i’ll do that tomorrow.

one more thing i’m proud of today, sent in my application for FFF girlDJ bootcamp. ohgosh, waited for almost a year already to sign up for the bootcamp. maybe this year will be the year that i finally get to learn the one thing that i’ve been an “academic” about these last few years. reading and listening to videos about it is going to be different from actually experiencing it, like doing it for real. a few years ago i did play around with a DJing program when i had my old MacBook and did a really bad mixtape (or at least IMO it was really bad) for a small event. guess i’m glad my old MacBook died and there’s no second copy of that mixtape, i’d die of embarrassment right now, partly because the songs were badly mashed up, partly because while doing it i was reading the program’s “instruction manual” online. hurhur. so, *cross fingers* that i’ll be selected for this year’s boot camp.

academically (yes, even though i just graduated), i’ve already gotten in contact with SMU’s program coordinator even though the intake for this year just started and i’ll be applying for NEXT YEAR’S intake. you gotta take things in your hand and be prepared, or at least that’s how i feel things will be. i need to know if this program is what i’m looking for and if it’ll teach me what i’m wanting to learn. the plan for next year, get a stable job that pays at least near $3K per month, start my part-time masters next august, graduate in 2014 and hopefully by 2014, i’ll already be a business owner.

that said, i need to start opening communication channels with NAFA and any other design school in singapore i can think of, i need to start thinking about how to talk to the people in Cambodia (maybe my khmer lessons will finally be of some use, if i remember what i learnt that is >.<), and how to get funding for the other projects that i’m thinking of. giving back to society, having my own business, yeaps. that’s the life that i really want. i don’t really need a job that pays me very very well in the long term. but what i do need is a life where i’m doing things that i love, even if it means going that extra mile, having less sleep, or going for classes.

5 more months to the end of 2012, how am i going to spend it?
WISELY. and adventurously. hahas.

commencement.

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super, super duper overdue post. partly because so much else has been happening, partly because there’s been so many things to think about. i should be doing my europe post first, but that’s going to be one heck of a long post. one month in that country and i’m still overwhelmed even though i’ve been back for close to two months. i’ve also got the annual birthday post to do but i haven’t exactly gotten round to doing that yet. but i promise i will! *pinkie promises* other than work, been busy catching up with the party scene. said goodbye to mambo at the zouk mainroom, but that’s another story. been hitting the clubs every friday/saturday, simply because i love the music, simply because i love to dance. and it helps that there are guest DJs almost every week. but, that’s not that point of this post. 

i can now proudly proclaim that I HAVE GRADUATED. *BEAMS* well, i could’ve said that since 3 weeks ago (ohwow, how times flies. >.<) commencement was a very exciting affair cause it kicked off my most exciting week in July, which also happens to be my favourite month because in that very same week was my birthday! *double beams* anyways, the birthday’s for another post. but, I’VE GRADUATED, GRADUATED! (though at this point of time, i’m kinda missing school already as i see all my friend’s posts about orientation camps and module bidding)

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“closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
“Closing Time” – Green Day

yeaps, commencement means that i’m saying goodbye, closing this chapter of my life as an undergraduate. it’s been a great 4 years in NUS, and i’ve really learnt a lot, about myself, about the people around me, about life in general. i missed a lot of opportunities, i realized as i looked back, but there’s no regrets there. as an undergraduate, i got to know what i’m good at (research, writing term papers) and what i was really bad at (exams, memorizing, the boring stuff) academically and the things that i was good at didn’t exactly constitute a huge part of my grades, but i had fun while it lasted. in my first two years, living in hall made me realize more about who i was as a person and how i dealt with the people around me. it also made me grow as a leader as i held many different roles in the various committees in hall and i grew, matured more than i had in many years. the third year, i found a place where i left my heart – Cambodia. and in the fourth year, i found my passion/calling – Entrepreneurship. but throughout the years there, i found a solid group of girlfs to hangout with, i found a home away from home – Zouk, and i found that one girl (me!) could have a wide variety of interests that don’t necessarily intersect with one another. 

so, commencement. it’s not just an ending, but a beginning as well. the start of (hopefully) financial freedom and the ability to do more than i used to be able to due to my limited financial backings. it’s also the start of a new chapter of my life, which i realize that i’m not really enjoying – the working world. i’m not doing well in my current job because i find that as a leader, i cannot work under incompetent leaders. i learnt that seniority does not equate to being able to do a good job of your work and being a junior doesn’t mean that i’m bad at what i’m doing. i think i’m fantastic in what i’m doing, and i know my personality profile fits this job (as the branch manager is always stressing to me) but in that kind of work environment where seniors show that they don’t do their job well just makes me feel that they’re all talk with no corresponding action. 

commencement also means that i have a bachelor’s degree, it’s a “passport” to doing the masters of my choice in the (hopefully, near) future. and i am gradually taking steps towards that particular goal, that i am hoping will lead to my ultimate life goal/dream job that i am currently planning for. time waits for no man, and my fate is in my hands. that’s going to be my personal motto for at least the next 5 – 7 years as i, as a young woman, fight for my dreams. yes, you read right, dreams with a “S” cause there is more than one thing that i’m wanting to pursue. too many things on my hand, who cares? i’m young and i have the energy, so i’m going to do whatever it takes. (:

quelyn, fight on!