the start of every relationship, platonic, romantic or otherwise is always the same. the constant texting, the endless conversation topics that we have and in romantic relationship, the flirting, the small seductive actions, the littlest things that you hope to drive your partner crazy with. that’s called the start. and it always starts the same way. but what determines how well a relationship goes is what happens after the start. the texting diminishes from 120 texts a day to 3-4 a day. conversation topics slowly run out and you find that you no longer know what to say to your friend/partner. and in romantic relationships, that spark slowly loses its ability to ignite a fire. i’m in the start of a new relationship, platonic or otherwise, i won’t say. but i know it’s something that has no future because of the various circumstances that are in place. i know that it’s not something that will last, so i’ll make this start count, and try to make it last as long as possible so that there will be no middle ground, and so that when the end comes, i can look back and say that it was a good start.
i guess the cycle’s come full circle again. one’s come and gone, and i’ve gotten another already, earlier than i expected. or maybe he was there all along and i never really noticed him until he made himself known. sigh. sometimes i question myself if this is the way i want to live my life, and i know the answer to that question. but the inherent need to have someone by my side is so strong that, i haven’t really been without a guy next to me for extended periods of time, especially not after YH (and i suddenly realize, that was almost 6 years ago).
boys come, they come and they go. some i liked more than others, some i just used because i needed someone to be by my side. and there were a few lucky ones that i loved. some, well they were just there hoping to walk into my life, confessing their undying love and then getting crushed by my wicked, cynical ways.
whatever it is, the cycle’s come full circle, once again. and i think this time round, i might get hurt even worse than before. but there’s no stopping me from walking into it simply because, i can’t help myself when it’s someone that i like. i can’t help myself cause i need someone here by my side. i can’t help myself because he knows how to treat me right. i can’t help myself, simply because .. i do like him.
in other news, finally being in someone’s arms has led to many nights of good, deep sleep. a luxury that has evaded me for so long. the security of being there, the comfort that it brings, the feeling of blissful longing, the feeling of being wanted, the feeling of quiet nothingness. i slept with a smile on my face, and probably in my heart as well. thanks for being here J. i don’t know how long it’ll last, i don’t even know what’s really going on between us. but for now, i’m not thinking of anything and just living in the moment.
and on another note, i didn’t know that it was this easy to take the ring out and put it down.
and now that it’s gone and another story’s started, i guess it’s really goodbye.