Monthly Archives: December 2010

Pain. )):

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See where that huge “pain” word is written on the picture? Yeah, that’s about where my back hurts. Freakin’ painful. I popped paracetamol before I slept last night and pasted those Chinese medicated plaster thingys. I woke up and it still hurt. RAWRS. Popped 4 pills this morning, and I think I might need to pop more. SMSed my manager at the bar saying that there’s no way I can work cause I can’t stand, I can’t sit, I can’t walk properly. Like, going to the washroom is even a problem. Sighs.

hownowbrowncow?

Day7.

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Day 07. Your Zodiac sign and whether you think it fits your personality.


Being born on the 11th of July 1989, according to the zodiac I’m born under the star sign of Cancer. I never really believe in these star sign predictions because on the days when I get bored and read the prediction off the newspaper column, nothing it says ever comes true. Or maybe I’m just one of the few in the 8.3% of Cancerian people in the world that never gets situations that are predictable? Well, for this task (I know I haven’t been really constant about my 30Day Challenge posts. Sorry!) I went online to google and grab a few facts here and there to try to know more about my own star sign.

Out of all the articles that I’ve read through I think the one that gives the best and most concise summary is Astrology.com.au and you can read the article if you’re interested, but I won’t expound on it here and bore you to death about what my sign is all about.

Now, coming to the part about whether I think the star sign fits my personality. For one, I am very intuitive and sensitive to other people’s feelings, even though I don’t show it much often. I can sense changes in emotions of a person very quickly and distinctively. I don’t know if I would attribute that to me being born under the sign of Cancer, but I don’t think I have any other explanation.

Secondly, about being adaptable – that I am. I can change according to situation, according to the people that I’m with, according to the role I’m supposed to play. But this, I attribute to years of on-the-job training as someone who has to rapidly deal with problems that seem to come flying my way, especially other people’s problems that are piled on top of my own. I also attribute being adaptable as something that I’ve learned from my years of social life.

Thirdly, about being nurturing. I think that’s something that comes to me easily after years of being a facilitator to my peers and juniors. I enjoy being able to make a positive impact in another person’s life, no matter how big or small the contribution. However, about being maternal, that’s something that I’ll never be. I don’t really want to be motherly because I don’t really like to “mother” kids. I’m more about letting them grow than being all motherly “oh don’t run you’ll fall” that frankly is smothering to even think about.

Fourthly, being sociable. I think that’s a trade that you have to learn, anyone can be sociable if only they want to. Nothing to do with star signs or your ruling planet.

So, while some of the traits in my personality are unexplainable by logic, I still don’t attribute my personality to a sign made out of stars in the sky. I am my own person and if the characteristics I have reflect those shown in my star sign, I guess that’s just a coincidence. Afterall, we are our own creators of destiny, not the stars.

Day6.

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Day 06. A photo of yourself and 30 interesting facts about yourself.

#1: i love to type without CAPS, but English thinks otherwise.

#2: my favourite cartoon character/ stuffed toy is Winnie the Pooh, and all related characters.

#3: i’m a very girly girl but i have a “manly” side too.

#4: my entire room is filled with shades of pink/red.

#5: but all the furniture in my room is brown.

#6: i secretly love scrapbooking.

#7: i have step-siblings, two to be exact.

#8: i’m secretly very messy, only my family members know exactly how messy.

#9: i’m totally in love with Cambodia. ♥

#10: i like to illegal stream movies and US dramas. more exciting.

#11: i LOVE horror movies!

#12: i want to have a library in my house when i grow up.

#13: i want to be a tour guide so that i can travel many times over.

#14: but i also want to work in the media industry!

#15: i hurt my ankle so many times, it’s never gonna stop hurting.

#16: i measure a man by how gentlemanly they are.

#17: i like to do random mini-blog posts on FB’s notes.

#18: i have a 5 step procedure when washing my hair.

#19: i wanna get a few tattoos – the small of my back, shoulder blade, ankle.

#20: i still like being a party girl.

#21: my favourite poem “we touched the rainbow and fell to hell” by quelyn.

#22: one day i want to run an 84km marathon.

#23: i like to do academic research for fun.

#24: i love rainbows, so the first maxi dress i bought was rainbow-coloured.

#25: i used to want to be a lawyer, but i changed my mind.

#26: i like lazing in bed all day (though i don’t get to do it often).

#27: i have a “dance studio” in my small small room.

#28: i like sitting at a noisy starbucks/coffee bean and just watching people walk by.

#29: Christmas 2 years ago, i spent it with a bunch of girls. 2 years later, i’m still bffs with them. ((:

#30: life always changes, but there is one thing in my life that’s always constant – the secret.

365Love.

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Reading what Jaeson Ma shares on his blog and the things that he’s been doing on his 365 Day of Love journey is always a blessing and an inspiration. Reading the comments that other readers leave behind is also just as encouraging. At a slow pace, I’ve been learning about love through this man of God. I still have much to learn, I have a long way to go. People still don’t believe in me and my ability to deal with all things godly. People still don’t trust me to be able to carry more responsibilities.

2010, I tried. I stopped clubbing, I became even more regular, I was early for everything, I availed myself. But nothing worked. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m not good enough. Reading about the things that JMa shares on his blog, and the comments left behind are the only things that have been keeping me around. I want to be a woman of God one day, just as he is a great man of God. But sometimes, even that resolve fails. I try so hard but things still don’t happen, aren’t I supposed to do my best and let go do the rest? Does it mean that I’m not doing enough, or does it mean that I’m not doing my best?

So personally, I have no one to talk to anymore. People are busy doing great things for God, and I’m just a nobody. When I move in my best and God doesn’t move, I choose my own path. It’s not always the most glorifying, it’s not always the most edifying. I still love God, but sometimes I just don’t feel loved by God. Someone once asked me, “He gave His only son, isn’t that love enough?” #1, that was love for the whole world, it’s not mine to call my own. #2, love is something that needs to be felt all the time, especially for a person like me, but I guess that there are times when even God doesn’t know how to show earthly love, cause unlike humans, He cannot hug me and hold me. That’s the kind of love I need.

There used to be a person. I shared with him just like I shared my problems with God. The person was the second closest person to me, other than God, especially in terms of how well they knew me. I used to pretend that His hugs were Daddy Hugs from God, but he probably doesn’t know that. Sighs, but there’s nothing much ado there now cause I no longer can get Daddy Hugs. Maybe God, you just gotta get a human body soon.

I’m not afraid to find love in the wrong places,
I’m not afraid to find love in the wrong forms,
I’m only afraid that I won’t find love at all.

Day5.

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Day 05. A time you thought about ending your own life.

Suicide, a sin by another other name would just be as sweet deadly. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t think about it, nor does it mean we don’t really take action. Obviously I didn’t take any action cause I’m still here blogging about it. I don’t think I’ll describe a time where I thought about ending my life, cause I’ve definitely thought about it more than once.

The first time, when I was in Primary 5. The next time, when I was in Secondary 2. The next time, when I was in J1. All I will tell you is that it has nothing to do with the opposite sex, and everything to do with the unfairness that the world throws at me. People who kinda/sorta know the things that happen in my life will be able to perhaps make an educated guess about what those events were.

But, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. That’s something that’s definitely true.

Day4.

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Day 04. Your views on religion.

I’ve been a Christian all my life, being born and raised in a Christian family (which is kinda backslidden cause currently I’m the only person who really goes to Church and cellgroup. My mummy just goes to cellgroup, and sometimes service in her own Church while my siblings don’t go to Church at all), I’ve never really “known” any other religion (unless clubbing is a religion, there’s nowhere else I spend more time than Church and the clubs, home’s not really counted though I spend at least half my life sleeping there). However, being able to reside in a country like Singapore has allowed me to come into contact with so many other religions, some that I understand more than others because of the friends in my life.

Christianity, my home faith. Buddhism + Taoism (because in Singapore there’s no real clear distinction). Islam. Hinduism. The 4 main faiths of Singapore. I think the only religious place of worship that I haven’t been to is a mosque (even though half my family is muslim and I have Islamic roots in my family history). National Education and my frequent trips overseas have brought me to many Buddhist temples, be it in Japan, in Thailand, in Cambodia. And I will admit that I am sometimes awed by the architectural feats that people can come up with when they want to build a place that honors their God.

Religion, I guess it not so much of a static thing that people just believe in, rather it is a lifestyle,  a commitment that people make. Everyone has different reasons for having a religion. For me, it’s a relationship with God that I crave (though I don’t always do so well it in). For other people, it might be because they want something to standby, a moral code that they can live their life by.  It might be because they want to go to heaven, a place which all religions promise you will go to if you believe in that particular religion. It might be for peace and comfort, religion has proven to help people heal from grief and the loss of loved ones.

But in my opinion, religion is all about faith. It’s about believing in the things that you cannot see. It’s believing in the words of the people who have gone before you. It’s believing in a kind of lifestyle, a kind of attitude that says will bless you without you even knowing whether it’s true or not. It’s believing in something without even knowing if what people promise you, what the preachers say will even come to pass.

But you still believe.