Monthly Archives: April 2011

Jar of Hearts.


i’ve learnt to live half alive
now you want me one more time.
who do you think you are?

i used to be the one collecting hearts.
not karma’s having me payback,
as i get pieces of my heart collected.


random thoughts.


i hate myself.
i hate this situation.
i hate myself for putting myself into this situation.

i think the last line sums it all. be it harrypotter or twin, i really don’t like the situations i put myself in. i need to learn to love myself more. love myself, alot more.

carte blanche


[ˈkɑːt ˈblɑːntʃ (French) kart blɑ̃ʃ]
unconditional authority; unrestricted power to act at one’s discretion.

this word has been written on the cover of one of my books for the longest time. always a constant reminder for me to have unconditional authority over myself and to not allow anyone, not even my family to step in and dictate what i should do with my life. it’s a philosophy of life that i keep close to my heart because there are so many dreams that i want to fulfill. some people tell me, “why not just give up? there are too many obstacles in your way!” i tell them, “i’m sorry, no matter how tough it is, i’ll fight on.” because i believe that even though pursuing your dream is tough, giving up is even tougher. so i choose to FIGHT ON! (:

i choose to continue being, ME. the dancer. the child. the solitary soul.
and more than ever at this point of time where everything from academics to relationships are bothering me,
more than ever, i have to remind myself constantly,
that i should never change or compromise who i am.



was listening to a medley of yiruma songs and then started youtubing “river flows in you” with lyrics. the lyrics are mostly fanmade, but this particular one caught my attention because, it just feels so familiar.

i wanted it to last so desperately
i lost sight of all else
and it ended so abruptly



SO, i bought a PSLE Mathematics topical revision book today. let’s just say it was something that i’ve wanted to do for a long time, but never really put my mind down to do it. today, i finally did. choose some cheap assessment book and now, i’m gonna do two pages of it everyday until i “graduate” from this book. everyone knows my maths is quite a failure. haven’t taken it since like, ‘O’ levels, and even then i only got a B3. lols. that, and science were the only Bs i ever got. so since today’s the first day, i thought i’d blog my experience as i do my two pages.

alright, question #1, easy enough. first chapter’s about fractions and it’s simple to simplify them, albeit slow for me cause i need to divide. question #2, problem. i couldn’t figure out what “product” was, so i googled it. so that’s the cheem term for MULTIPLY. -.- primary school students are laughing at me now. and then, i realized it was a trick question! you could either multiply the big numbers OR you could simplify then multiply. my gosh. what happened to straightforward? WAIT. how do you multiply fractions? sighs. GOOGLED IT. #3, hmm. 1kg = 1000g right? so … 2/5 of a kg is 400g. right okay. yeah. easy enough with some thinking. lols.#4, same as #3, just that now it’s 2/5 of 8m.

OMG. i give up. i can’t blog and do math at the same time!
anyway, the end result was 10 correct out of 11 questions. not bad. ((:

now someone tell me, why is 4/11 more than 3/10?

learning patience.


“you just have to learn that even the one you love most
can’t always be there for you on time when you need someone.”

haven’t heard from someone since monday, and before that, it was silence the entire weekend. i don’t know what’s happening, i don’t know what’s wrong. i don’t know. maybe he’s no longer interested, maybe it’s just me thinking too much. but because of this, i’m learning patience. some of my friends will tell me that i’m being silly, that i should just forget him and move on.

but my brother probably hit the nail on the head. i think i’ve fallen for this harrypotter of mine. it’s not the bruno mars “hey baby, i think i wanna marry you” kind of feeling yet, but it’s more the bruno mars “i’d catch a grenade for you”. and i really meant it when i said that i would walk through the next year and a half with you. i’m not one who makes promises easily, but when i make them, i intend to keep them no matter how hard it’s gonna be for me.

but now, i gotta learn patience. maybe he’ll text today, tomorrow. maybe next week, maybe never. but i foolishly intend to keep this promise, for personal reasons. selfish as they may be, i feel that i haven’t judged the guy wrongly. and he’s worth the wait.

and i learn patience, i intend to make full use of all this pent-up energy to do other things, like capoeira. found a school that i may join, probably gonna go observe the lesson first and then see if i wanna join that school cause i’ve found three different schools to choose from. just that the one that i’ve chosen is the closest to home/easiest for me to find because of my lack of sense of direction.